greymichaela:

Look, I get it. I know opium was a major problem in China and there were a lot of efforts to correct that. I’m also aware that Wong Fei-hung was a real person and a folk hero. 

That being said, this particular movie? Is a smoking red-hot mess.

• Before we even got started, Ling was putting the moves on anyone who’d hold still long enough. (They got game, man.)
• We were all horribly dismayed to discover that this particular edition was dubbed, not subbed. And terribly subbed at that, it was an absolute trainwreck of half-hearted cheering and either completely wooden delivery or over the top emoting. Although Zoe did note that by the end, the cheering was up to about three-quarter heart, so there’s that.
• We all agreed that a kung fu version of Men in Tights is necessary and we’re thinking about opening a Kickstarter campaign.
• Heterosexual flirting. The chat has never been so dry, man.
• The entire movie was basically an afterschool special on not doing drugs, right up until they replaced it with “drink alcohol instead!”           Everyone: “what.”
• There was motivational arm-biting and chuchi’s going to take one for the team and write the SpiritAssassin fic for us.
• Every time we blinked, it cut to a new scene. The plot was nearly indecipherable, the love interest never even showed up again (after she bit Donnie to motivate him) and the action was all over the place. We had whiplash something awful.
• Donnie’s godmother was a shrew with huge buck teeth. At least right up until she got slapped by her brother-in-law, at which point her teeth… became normal and she turned into a sweet, giggling, coy flirt. Everyone: “what.”
• “The moral of the story is that you can punch the evil out of your sister-in-law with a little impromptu dental work.” (I legit don’t remember who said that but it brought the house down.)
• And finally, close to the end, there was a two second glimpse of what appeared to be a drag queen in the garden, complete with makeup and fan. No other reference to him and he never showed up again. Everyone: “what”
• On the plus side, Donnie looked fantastic. On the down side, because he was dubbed, we didn’t even get to enjoy him moaning and being in distress, we had to listen to some faker faking it. (Look, we’re a thirsty group of assholes, you knew that.)

All in all, a fantastic time was had by all, and we hope that one drag queen lives a long, glorious, happy life. Preferably opium-free.

Don’t do drugs, kids!