missmonty:

greymichaela:

You guys.

You guys.

I honestly don’t know if I can do this movie justice. There was just. So Much™ going on. But I will try.

Also, shout out to Chuch’s brother, who bravely joined us for his first ever Ragethirst and somehow managed to keep up with us. Truly a worthy soul.

• We begin our journey with the villain nutting to Wagner-esque music. We know he’s a villain because he listens to classical and waxes rhapsodic about wine. (He didn’t actually nut, but suffice to say we know what Collin Chou’s O-face looks like.)
• His #1 henchman is basically Chinese Snape with more scimitars per square inch.
• While Snape is busy killing people, the villain offs a guy with… an ice cube. (The victim wet himself, we crossed piss off the kink bingo. Not five minutes in.)
• Cut to a K-pop looking boy (Joe about pissed herself) aggressively playing guitar. He runs afoul of more villains, plays the guitar at them, kicks everyone’s asses, and runs into a herd of cyclists to escape.
• Listen. I lost track of the “plot” right about here. Basically all I can do is give you random highlights of things that happened from then on, but don’t expect any of this to make sense.
• Donnie’s at the supermarket shopping for his cop boyfriend, who’s talking to him on the phone. Donnie scolds him that he wants to make him some good food for once because Pen only eats crap stuff. (Seriously, you expect us to read them as straight?)
• Guys with machine guns burst into the supermarket. Donnie tells Pen they’re making a movie, holds the phone up to one of the bad guys, realizes they’re not making a movie, and proceeds to kick ass.
• Random point of interest: Donnie wears tracksuits almost exclusively throughout and I hate that he looks so good in them.
• Pen, aka cop bf, shows up as the villains have two people hostage and he and Donnie proceed to Road to El Dorado them. 
• This is getting long already, Read More it is.

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I CRIED