so one night spidey’s doing as he do, stopping some crimes, fighting some supervillains, except then all the bad guys run away screaming
for
some
reason
take a moment to pity this individual dressed like a card, who was a young starry-eyed child of God once and probably didn’t imagine that this would be his life
“But we used the stealth technology in your old suit to sneak up on him!”
note that line. it’s the first of several times Venom talks about how awesome and cool the symbiote is. that’ll be important later.
and then, this:
yeah. Venom wants to be Spidey’s sidekick.
and here’s what i love; like other 2010s stories, this comic takes the absolute piss out of 90s Venom
BUT
it does so without making Big V an unlikable character or making the symbiote a life-ruining parasite (take notes donny m’lad).
on the contrary, Venom’s fucking hilarious here, he is SO BAD at being a good guy but he tries SO HARD. he’s just this big lovably clueless toothy boi trying his best to impress Spidey and fucking up all over the place.
look at this shit:
“Your crippling injuries and cries for mercy are no match for Venom…LETHAL PROTECTOR!!’
bless
after spidey talks Venom out of murdering a guy in front of a thousand cops, the two of them go swinging around the city searching for this Alice In Wonderland-themed gang that Spidey’s been on the lookout for
“We’d better investigate! LETHALLY!”
;-; ;-; ;-; i love him so much guys
anyway, most of the story is just that, Venom following Spidey around while Spidey tries to solve crimes and Venom…
…is himself.
srsly, is there anything cuter than this?
here we see our heroes perching alongside one another like spooky pigeons
and of course peter is not having a good time at all
warning: i am obliged to point out that peter is an absolutely STAGGERING asshole in this story and these next panels will show why. spideyfans, this is your stop.
so they track down the gang, Venom gets caught and
it is delightful. THEN spidey reveals that – surprise! – he’s deduced Venom’s REAL reason for following him around all night.
Venom was actually working with the gang all along!
Shock! Gasp!
and how did spidey work this out???
1. if u know the symbiote is sentient, y r u calling them a costume peter. answer me peter.
2. ‘stupid and convoluted’ – what in yr very limited interactions with the symbiote so far has lead you to think that they are stupid peter? peter? peter i’m waiting. answer me. answer me peter.
ok, so the plot thickens. we now know Venom had ulterior motives for teaming up with Spidey. Why, then, was Venom doing this? Was it for money? Power? A trap to lure Spidey to his death?
nope.
Venom did it because the symbiote wanted to impress Spidey so much that Spidey would take them back.
and eddie was apparently on board with this plan, even though we saw in his last appearance that being separated from the symbiote is painful for him
and while the comic doesn’t explicitly say that eddie decided to help the symbiote get back to spidey because eddie wants his beloved to be happy even at the cost of his own happiness, that is 100% why eddie decided to help
now.
with all that in mind.
what do u think spidey does next.
with Venom tied up and helpless in front of him, having just admitted to having spent the night trying to impress him in the hopes that he would take the symbiote back
what do u think he does.
and so our lighthearted romp ends, on a shot of Venom screaming in unspeakable agony while Spidey tortures him to within an inch of his life
you know. for kids! 😀 😀 😀
anyway, apart from that incredibly fucked-up ending, this story is actually awesome and gay as fuck, a+++ recommended
A Force Sensitive Phasesixer 